{"id":8718047,"date":"2023-01-17T07:16:14","date_gmt":"2023-01-17T15:16:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/?p=8718047&preview=true&preview_id=8718047"},"modified":"2023-01-17T07:33:45","modified_gmt":"2023-01-17T15:33:45","slug":"denver-shooting-violence-friends-forgiveness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/2023\/01\/17\/denver-shooting-violence-friends-forgiveness\/","title":{"rendered":"Pain and prison, then peace: How a Denver shooter and victim reconciled two decades after the shot was fired"},"content":{"rendered":"

Twenty-three years after Jonathan Nelson shot Matthew Roberts in the stomach at a party in East Park Hill, the two men sat down to brunch with their wives.<\/p>\n

It was the first time the two men had ever spoken. They\u2019d chosen drastically different lives since that night in 1998, and when they met on that day in October 2021, Nelson had just left prison. Roberts, by then, was working with the Denver Police Department\u2019s victim assistance unit.<\/p>\n

Roberts found Nelson\u00a0thanks to a random Facebook post. But Roberts wanted more than just to reconnect.<\/p>\n

If they could build a relationship, he thought, telling their story could help young people who are at risk of being drawn into gun violence to make a better decision \u2014 for reconciliation over vengeance. Nelson, for his part, wanted to show them it\u2019s possible to leave gangs and live a productive life.<\/p>\n

There are only two places people in gangs wind up, he said: the grave or the penitentiary.<\/p>\n

\u201cI want them to see that change is possible,\u201d he said. \u201cEverybody is scared of change, but you have to do it if you want to go forward in the world.\u201d<\/p>\n

On Monday, the two men stood in front of a group of teenagers and, for the first time publicly, share their story. Their message comes as an increasing number of young people die in gun homicides every year<\/a>. Fifteen teenagers were shot and killed in Denver in 2022 \u2014 nearly double the number of teens killed in 2019<\/a>, when the mayor called youth gun violence an epidemic and convened city leaders to address the problem.<\/p>\n

Roberts could have become a statistic like that. Or he could have sought out Nelson for revenge. Instead, he found his way to forgiveness.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s like my brother now,\u201d Roberts said.<\/p>\n

Two lives collide in \u201cchaos\u201d of fighting at a party<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Both men grew up in Denver in the 1990s, when a wave of gun violence bloodied the city\u2019s streets. Roberts graduated from Overland High School in Aurora, and Nelson, three years younger, attended Denver\u2019s East and South high schools. They didn\u2019t know each other.<\/p>\n

On Sept. 11, 1998, their lives intersected.<\/p>\n

Nelson, 16 at the time, was invited to a party in Northeast Park Hill. He and his friends were looking for another teen they\u2019d been having problems with \u2014 and he was on edge wondering if he\u2019d see him there.<\/p>\n

He brought a gun.<\/p>\n

When someone at the party played a song about gang life, everyone started throwing their gang signs, Nelson said. Fights broke out and spilled outside.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was chaos \u2014 period,\u201d Nelson said.<\/p>\n

Roberts, then 19, arrived outside shortly before the violence erupted. He was dropping off a friend\u2019s brother at the party. Immediately, he felt like they shouldn\u2019t be there.<\/p>\n

He got out of his car to say hi to a few people he recognized when he saw someone he knew, a basketball teammate at East High, about to get into a fight.<\/p>\n

Roberts made his way through the crowd to break up the fighting.<\/p>\n

As he weaved through the fights, someone hit him and he fell to the ground. He looked up and saw someone walking away. Assuming it was the person who hit him, he stood up, grabbed the man and took him to the ground.<\/p>\n

The man Roberts tackled was Nelson, who thought he was about to get jumped.<\/p>\n

Nelson fired two shots.<\/p>\n

Roberts didn\u2019t realize he\u2019d been hit until he looked at his abdomen. He saw his shirt smoking. He felt the wound with his hand, stuck a finger inside.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt felt like everything slowed down \u2014 time stopped \u2014 and then it was complete chaos again,\u201d he recalled.<\/p>\n

He asked a friend to help him over to some bushes. If he was going to die, he didn\u2019t want to die in the street.<\/p>\n

Instead, police and paramedics arrived and scooped him into an ambulance. He woke up the next morning in the hospital, his mom sitting by his bed. The bullet had pierced his colon.<\/p>\n

Despite detectives\u2019 insistence, Roberts couldn\u2019t identify who shot him. He\u2019d never seen Nelson before.<\/p>\n

Roberts didn\u2019t even recognize Nelson the next time they saw each other \u2014 in the downtown Denver courthouse, when Nelson was to be sentenced for shooting him. Before the hearing, they crossed paths in the bathroom.<\/p>\n

\u201cI remember thinking, \u2018I wonder what he did?\u2019 \u201d Roberts said.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t until his case was called that Roberts realized the man in the bathroom was the same person who\u2019d shot him. The judge sentenced Nelson to a boot camp program for teens and gave him a six-year suspended prison sentence.<\/p>\n

But Nelson struggled to escape the gang life that surrounded him growing up. He spent most of the next two decades in and out of prison, with convictions that included burglary and attempting to escape. All told, 15 years locked up.<\/p>\n

He said he realized during his most recent stint in prison that he was just spinning his wheels.<\/p>\n

\u201cI got tired of just living my life revolving around what other people think and other people believe,\u201d he said. \u201cI just woke up one day, and that was it. I gave everything up. I couldn\u2019t do it anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nelson was paroled and released from prison on Sept. 21, 2021.<\/p>\n

\"Jonathan
Jonathan Nelson, left, and Matthew Roberts talk at the From the Heart nonprofit\u2019s offices on Jan. 14, 2023. (Photo by Andy Cross\/The Denver Post) <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cTired of being angry,\u201d Roberts forgives Nelson<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Recovery from the shooting wasn\u2019t easy for Roberts. For three months after Nelson shot him, he walked with a cane. He lost significant weight because the injury to his colon made it difficult for him to eat.<\/p>\n

But by January 1999,\u00a0he was returning to normal.<\/p>\n

He stayed in Denver, working in human services roles in Denver Public Schools and for nonprofits. He got married and became a father. And in 2019, he joined the Denver Police Department\u2019s Victim Assistance Unit.<\/p>\n

As victim assistance coordinator, Roberts\u2019 job is to build relationships with residents in the East Colfax neighborhood \u2014 one of Denver\u2019s neighborhoods most impacted by gun violence.<\/p>\n

Occasionally, Roberts thought about Nelson. Once, he saw him in passing at Denver\u2019s Juneteenth celebration. But he didn\u2019t approach.<\/p>\n

\u201cI always wondered what his upbringing was, where he came from,\u201d Roberts said. \u201cI wanted to know what he was going through in prison.\u201d<\/p>\n

Roberts forgave Nelson years ago, he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was tired of being angry,\u201d Roberts said. \u201cI had nightmares and PTSD,\u201d or post-traumatic stress disorder. \u201cI was tired of wondering what would happen if we did run into each other.\u201d<\/p>\n

Shortly after Nelson was released from prison, Roberts saw Nelson\u2019s name tagged in a Facebook post. He reached out to their mutual connection and asked for Nelson\u2019s phone number.<\/p>\n

He thought that if they worked together to tell their story, they could help young people see the possibilities of forgiveness, redemption and change.<\/p>\n

When he called, Nelson was eager to help.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was like, \u2018Whatever you want to do, I\u2019m on board,\u2019 \u201d Nelson said.<\/p>\n

They met for brunch with their wives. Then they kept meeting. They became friends.<\/p>\n

Roberts, now 43, introduced Nelson to his family and told them Nelson was the person who shot him. Roberts\u2019 daughter later came up to Nelson and told him she was proud they had become friends.<\/p>\n

Everyone had tears in their eyes, said Nelson, 41.<\/p>\n