{"id":8717258,"date":"2023-01-16T02:00:59","date_gmt":"2023-01-16T10:00:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/?p=8717258&#038;preview=true&#038;preview_id=8717258"},"modified":"2023-01-16T02:01:13","modified_gmt":"2023-01-16T10:01:13","slug":"harriette-cole-im-hurt-by-my-best-friends-behavior","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/2023\/01\/16\/harriette-cole-im-hurt-by-my-best-friends-behavior\/","title":{"rendered":"Harriette Cole: I&#8217;m hurt by my best friend&#8217;s surprising behavior"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>DEAR HARRIETTE:<\/strong> I was involved in a terrible car wreck early on the morning of New Year&#8217;s Day. Almost all of my loved ones and close friends either visited me in the hospital or sent flowers.<\/p>\n<p>I was really hurt that my best friend didn&#8217;t visit me in the hospital. It was like they completely ignored what had happened, which is so unlike them.<\/p>\n<p>I thought that out of all people, they would be there for me and show their support. But it seems like I was wrong, and now I&#8217;m feeling betrayed and alone.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s been difficult to get over this disappointment and figure out why it happened in the first place. Is there any advice you can give on how to make sense of the situation?<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em>Car Wreck<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>DEAR CAR WRECK:<\/strong> Some people freeze in the face of tragedy and do not know how to move forward. There is a chance that this is true for your best friend. It doesn&#8217;t excuse them, but it could be an explanation.<\/p>\n<p><aside class=\"related left\"><h2 class=\"widget-title\" data-curated-ids=\"\" data-relation-type=\"automatic-primary-tag\">Related Articles<\/h2><ul><li>\n\n<div class=\"entry-section\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/advice\/\">Advice | <\/a><\/div>\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/2023\/01\/17\/harriette-cole-husband-got-stupid-drunk\/\" title=\"Harriette Cole: My husband can&#8217;t remember what he did on New Year&#8217;s Eve, and I can&#8217;t forget\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title metered\">\n\t\t\tHarriette Cole: My husband can&#8217;t remember what he did on New Year&#8217;s Eve, and I can&#8217;t forget\t\t<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n<\/li><li>\n\n<div class=\"entry-section\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/advice\/\">Advice | <\/a><\/div>\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/2023\/01\/14\/harriette-cole-my-date-wont-see-me-home\/\" title=\"Harriette Cole: He said unless he could sleep over, I&#8217;d be taking the subway home\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title metered\">\n\t\t\tHarriette Cole: He said unless he could sleep over, I&#8217;d be taking the subway home\t\t<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n<\/li><li>\n\n<div class=\"entry-section\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/advice\/\">Advice | <\/a><\/div>\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/2023\/01\/13\/harriette-cole-getting-attitude-from-sick-date\/\" title=\"Harriette Cole: My date put me in an awkward situation and had the nerve to give me attitude\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title metered\">\n\t\t\tHarriette Cole: My date put me in an awkward situation and had the nerve to give me attitude\t\t<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n<\/li><li>\n\n<div class=\"entry-section\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/advice\/\">Advice | <\/a><\/div>\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/2023\/01\/12\/harriette-cole-the-white-people-dont-understand\/\" title=\"Harriette Cole: The white people around me don&#8217;t understand my pain\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title metered\">\n\t\t\tHarriette Cole: The white people around me don&#8217;t understand my pain\t\t<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n<\/li><li>\n\n<div class=\"entry-section\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/advice\/\">Advice | <\/a><\/div>\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/2023\/01\/11\/harriette-cole-my-ex-told-me-what-my-mom-did\/\" title=\"Harriette Cole: How do I confront my mom about what I heard?\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title metered\">\n\t\t\tHarriette Cole: How do I confront my mom about what I heard?\t\t<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n<\/li><\/ul><\/aside>After you are feeling better, if you still have not heard from your best friend, reach out. Ask them what they have been doing so you can learn what&#8217;s going on in their life. Tell them briefly about your accident and ask if they knew about it. Then ask why they didn&#8217;t come to see you or contact you.<\/p>\n<p>Describe how frightening the experience was and how sad you where that they weren&#8217;t there to support you. Listen calmly to discover what happened.<\/p>\n<p><strong>DEAR HARRIETTE:<\/strong> I have noticed a pattern with my niece that I do not like. I buy Christmas presents for her every year and ship them because she and her family live out of town. I know she gets the things I send because her mother tells me, but she never reaches out to say thank you.<\/p>\n<p>Obviously, I do not buy the gifts to receive her gratitude, but for her to say absolutely nothing is just unconscionable to me. This year I sent an array of items from my travels and other things that I thought she would appreciate. In return: crickets.<\/p>\n<p>Should I say something or just stop sending her things? This has been going on for several years now. By the way, my niece is almost 30 years old.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em>Ungrateful<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>DEAR UNGRATEFUL:<\/strong> The person in question is an adult who has bad manners. You have no obligation to continue to give an adult any gifts, especially if she doesn&#8217;t acknowledge them. If you want, you can contact her and ask her if she liked her presents. If she responds, you can tell her it would have been nice for her to have told you.<\/p>\n<p>You can also reach out to her directly and check in with her; see how she&#8217;s doing and what&#8217;s going on in her life. Then tell her the truth &#8212; you are disappointed that she has not chosen to acknowledge that you sent her gifts for the holidays. Tell her it is rude and hurts your feelings.<\/p>\n<p>Your third option is to stop giving her gifts and say nothing. She may inquire directly or through her mother as to why. Then you have an opening. Or she may say nothing, and that tradition will have ended.<\/p>\n<aside class=\"related left\"><h2 class=\"widget-title\" data-curated-ids=\"\" data-relation-type=\"automatic-primary-section\">Related Articles<\/h2><ul><li>\n\n<div class=\"entry-section\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/advice\/\">Advice | <\/a><\/div>\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/2023\/01\/17\/ask-amy-trainer-gets-clients-pregnant\/\" title=\"Ask Amy: I&#8217;m young and hot, and I just got two of my older clients pregnant\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title metered\">\n\t\t\tAsk Amy: I&#8217;m young and hot, and I just got two of my older clients pregnant\t\t<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n<\/li><li>\n\n<div class=\"entry-section\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/advice\/\">Advice | <\/a><\/div>\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/2023\/01\/17\/harriette-cole-husband-got-stupid-drunk\/\" title=\"Harriette Cole: My husband can&#8217;t remember what he did on New Year&#8217;s Eve, and I can&#8217;t forget\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title metered\">\n\t\t\tHarriette Cole: My husband can&#8217;t remember what he did on New Year&#8217;s Eve, and I can&#8217;t forget\t\t<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n<\/li><li>\n\n<div class=\"entry-section\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/advice\/\">Advice | <\/a><\/div>\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/2023\/01\/17\/miss-manners-shamed-for-cutting-in-grocery-line\/\" title=\"Miss Manners: These two moms tried to shame me for cutting in the supermarket line\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title metered\">\n\t\t\tMiss Manners: These two moms tried to shame me for cutting in the supermarket line\t\t<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n<\/li><li>\n\n<div class=\"entry-section\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/advice\/\">Advice | <\/a><\/div>\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/2023\/01\/17\/dear-abby-i-kept-this-secret-for-30-years\/\" title=\"Dear Abby: I kept this secret for 30 years, and now I&#8217;m devastated by the outcome\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title metered\">\n\t\t\tDear Abby: I kept this secret for 30 years, and now I&#8217;m devastated by the outcome\t\t<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n<\/li><li>\n\n<div class=\"entry-section\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/advice\/\">Advice | <\/a><\/div>\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.eastbaytimes.com\/2023\/01\/16\/travel-troubleshooter-after-a-traumatic-nightmare-on-amtrak-can-i-get-a-refund\/\" title=\"Travel Troubleshooter: After a \u2018traumatic nightmare\u2019 on Amtrak, can I get a refund?\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title metered\">\n\t\t\tTravel Troubleshooter: After a \u2018traumatic nightmare\u2019 on Amtrak, can I get a refund?\t\t<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n<\/li><\/ul><\/aside>\n<p><em>Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c\/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Almost everyone else I know stepped up during my dark time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":878,"featured_media":8717259,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"subheadline":"Almost everyone else I know stepped up during my dark 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